Character Growth
by ceramicSquid
Summary: In all his iterations, Ed Elric has had some identifying characteristics: his alchemic genius, his yellow eyes, and not least, his height. But what if not all these constants are constant? Oneshot, AU, quite silly.


AN: Not my universe; the only thing I own in this is the bottle of Calcium Citrate. The narration is purposefully dry, to accentuate the dialogue, which is extremely crack. This is a very silly, poorly thought out story, but who cares?

* * *

Once, there was a young boy named Ed Elric. He lived with his mother, his father, and his baby brother. However, the family was not as happy as they appeared, and soon the father left. The mother died, and the boys went to live alone, taking many meals with their neighbors.

You may already have heard this story, of two brothers on a quest for renewal. But those two are not the star of this rendition.

The star of our story is a bottle filled with dietary supplements.

* * *

Ed had never liked milk. The foul liquid was pale and stank, like something that might live under a boulder. He would do anything to avoid it.

Winry Rockbell liked automail. She also liked the smell of machinery, the feel of smooth metal-

*CLUNK*

"Ow!"

-and the sound of a wrench hitting Ed's head when he refused to drink milk.

Alphonse liked studying and his brother and milk and sunshine and Den and flowers. . .

Pinako Rockbell was more balanced than the children; she liked the look on Ed's face when he got hit-

"Ed! Stop bleeding everywhere!"

"Big brother!"

-but hated the aftermath.

It really was a severe cut. She could deal with the wound easily, but the blood loss? Not as much.

So all of the (unofficial) Rockbell household went up to the train station to go to a city hospital.

* * *

After a long wait, uneventful save for when Ed nearly mauled an elderly woman for calling him cute, they finally arrived at the hospital emergency room.

There were forms to fill out.

The only one who could enjoy filling out forms was Al.

Trust a child with forms or do it herself? It was such a challenging dilemma for an old engineer.

After ten minutes, the front desk received a set of immaculately filled out forms, with each word written in perfect blue crayon.

Ten more minutes passed, and Ed nearly passed out on his way to the examining room. Then the doctor came. After introducing himself as Dr. Simmons, he began to examine the small boy.

"Hmm. . . this boy needs blood, and some stitches, I'd guess ten. But that's not all; he looks like he's just this side of rickets. Do you drink your milk, young man?"

"That putrid excretion? Of course not. "

The doctor sighed. "Okay, but you have to. "

Al spoke up, "Big brother got the head wound because he wouldn't drink his milk. "

Winry was suddenly trying to hide a humongous, blood stained wrench behind her back.

Then the doctor shouted,"Stevens! Can you take care of the kid while I order him some calcium and vitamin D supplements? Yeah, I know he should, but he looks like he'll break right here!"

The blood loss and anesthetic made Ed too tired to be angry, and everyone else too was too stressed to care.

* * *

After the stitches were sewn, the main character of this story came into play. Our hero is tall, and streamlined, and pale, and beautiful. Our star can also prevent osteoporosis, in conjunction with a healthy lifestyle.

The decade supply of daily dietary supplements was ready to play its role.

* * *

Every day after then, Ed took a calcium tablet and went in the sun for vitamin D. He had always been short for his age, but he slowly inched towards, and then above, the 50th percentile.

His health did not prevent him from doing some despicable, illegal alchemy; it did not do much for his island training; health wouldn't keep his family whole.

The arrival in Central was not a tremendous deal, as he appeared older than he was. Even his personality changed subtly; whereas in one timeline, he was sensitive about his height-

"Get offa my meds! Just who are you calling a junkie?"

-in the other, his need for supplements to maintain it was his weakness.

In many ways, the Calcium helped Ed. In his tutelage, he could reach a whole other bookshelf without artificial or brotherly aids, and he surprised the interviewers for State Alchemist certification with his deceptive age. On the other hand, in a certain cult-riddled town, he was utterly useless: an adolescent seems a lot less likely to be an officer of the military than a young man, and height does seem to add age. In addition, it was more of a challenge to fit into tight spaces, such as the vents of the Fifth Laboratory.

However, thanks to the star of the story, people increased their Fullmetal Alchemist Identification skills fourfold. Hardly a handful of people mistook his brother for him, and all lived to regret it. He had a beautiful, long lasting relationship with our story's protagonist. But all things come to an end. Our hero's lifeblood dwindled until there was not a tablet remaining. At last, the supplements were gone, and Ed had to do the unthinkable.

Ed Elric had to go shopping.

"500! How do they expect someone to get on with only a year or two of medicine?"

Such cries were heard through every pharmacist's shop and drugstore in a five-mile radius.

Our hero was truly irreplaceable. Of the 23 drugstores in the area, not a one had more than two years' supply. So Ed made do, and mourned his original supply ever after.

And though he had earned many a wrench-induced injury, Edward Elric remembered one vividly, despite a probable concussion; he remembered the time the nice man had given him some pills.

* * *

The Fullmetal Alchemist would be famous for all time, in multiple worlds. But little is known of his true, steadfast companion, one who ushered him into greatness and served him for years. This great companion, Calcium Citrate, is remembered by nobody other than by Ed himself, the Ed of the 3rd timeline: the Ed who never got osteoporosis.


End file.
